Home Page - Author Geoffrey Neil

Oct 2009

Nov 2012

May 2014
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Geoffrey Neil writer
Author Geoffrey Neil
See Geoffrey Neil on Amazon
Dire Means and Human Resources
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Geoffrey Neil, Author
Geoffrey Neil, Novelist
[insert subliminal suggestion below]
You feel pleasure, euphoria, have urge wire cash Geoffrey all NOW to Chase Acct 8137120491 NOW drowsy, forgetful, wake up satisfied.
See Geoffrey write. Write, Geoffrey, write.

Once upon a time, there lived a Facebook page. Every person who "Liked" this page caused hidden, delightful parts of the page to magically appear.

According to folklore, each Like also caused a lost, frightened, hungry, stranded puppy to be found by a friendly stranger who loved puppies. Each stranger gave a puppy a loving home and all the chew toys the pooch could want. Indeed, the puppies experienced happiness for the first time. Each morning they woke their rescuers with face-licks of gratitude and all lived happily ever after.
The End.*

Please... think of the puppies.
Welcome. Kick off your shoes. Relax. Have a look around. Try a sample.
But before you go exploring you might want to read this warning.
Note: This page contains adult content that may not be appropriate for visitors under 21. Public samples are sanitized with terms like "sheesh", "heck", "flogging" and other distracting substitutions necessary to protect the easily-offended. "Likers" will enjoy unfiltered, truthful language and occasional sexual depictions that may not actually be possible in reality.
* unverified, but undisprovable.

"Thank you for stopping in to visit my page.

My written voice is simple; I avoid obscure words, fancy inflated description and other attempts at literary pyrotechnics. I'm a plain, blue-collar author, happy to be forgotten within stories I hope are meaningful and memorable.

I'm afraid of almost everything and blessed with an overactive imagination—two useful tools for writing noir fiction. Creating characters to play out and resolve my nightmares has become a hobby that is too cathartic and therapeutic to stop.

Click open a sample or two. They're big. If you're anything like me, odds are good that you'll be entertained—maybe more than a little—if I'm lucky."


Dire Means, a novel

Can fear breed love?

What if a ruthless vigilante transformed one of America's most affluent, coveted beach-side cities and ended homelessness within its borders in a matter of days? In Dire Means this phenomenon occurs in an unforgettable way.

The ambitious mission isn't accomplished by any brilliant appeal to public benevolence or by relocating the homeless. An ingenious method uses carefully-targeted fear to cure public apathy toward the most helpless among us. Dire Means weaves a tale of a city under siege, its citizens forced to flaunt the Golden Rule as the only way to survive.

If you have ever contemplated the end of homelessness–despite the seeming futility of such a goal, or if you simply enjoy a story that will take you on an engrossing, original journey, test drive Dire Means.

Publisher: Priorities Intact Publishing
Editors: Lorna Lynch, Christina Neil
Published: Oct 2009
Pages: 314
Words: 128,238
ISBN: 9780615292496
Cover Art: Geoffrey Neil
Paperback, ebook
Website: diremeans.com
Special thanks to: my wife, my dad, Judy Proffer, Lorna Lynch, Trent Daley, Marc Goldfinger, Karen Davidson, Marcia Bedney, Julie Harreld, Kim Tidwell-Dortch, Kari Pacheco, Millie Burns, Michelle Stroup, Mona Romero, Stephanie Sterba, Cyndie Tsao, Sue Meltzer, OPPCC, Los Angeles Downtown Mission, Santa Monica Police Department, Seattle's Best Coffee, Wikipedia and Google.
We hear you. Let's be honest, there's a chance you'll think Dire Means sucks. And if so, the financial hit would set you back more than a Baskin Robbins sundae, right? If the sample and reviews don't make the purchase safe, then go splurge on the sundae instead. Geoffrey won't be mad. He won't even know—unless you meet him some fine day and he asks you your favorite part.
Cramming actual review text into this space would be like trying to make peanut M&M's look comfortable in a Tic-Tac container. Use the links below for more legroom. Links open in a new tab to accommodate our separation anxiety.
"I never read a book before reviewing it - it prejudices a man so" —Sydney Smith
If you've written a review of Dire Means we'll send you a free signed copy of Human Resources. Seriously. And the review can be anything from positive and fuzzy to severely constructive. See how you win no matter what, but Geoffrey wins only if you're happy? He's like that. He's a "giver."

Human Resources, a novel

Some things are worse than getting fired!

Beautiful business consultant, Morana Mahker, swoops in to rescue Innovative Menu Covers, Inc. from certain financial disaster. She cancels layoffs and dazzles everyone with her killer looks and corporate savvy—everyone except Lonnie Raiford.

Having worked years to establish a host of questionable perks for himself, Lonnie has no interest in having Morana tamper with his system. His concern is eclipsed when he and the other staff notice the over-the-top attention and affection Morana showers on Hugh Berish, Lonnie's coworker and best friend.

As curiosity mounts about Morana's true identity and intentions for Hugh, Lonnie embarks on a frantic investigation that uncovers plans more terrifying than anyone had imagined. In a true test of friendship, Lonnie resorts to extreme measures in a desperate attempt to save Hugh and any future victims from Morana's horrific goal.

Publisher: Priorities Intact Publishing
Editor: Christina Dominguez
Published: November 1, 2012
Pages: 280
Words: 112,161
ISBN: 9780985022303
Cover Art: Geoffrey Neil
Formats: Paperback, ebook
Website: hr-endeavors.com

Special thanks to my wonderful, patient wife for her mastery of language and for her frequent use of that loving, slow-blinking facial expression that told me which of my subplot concepts were clearly stupid.

Thanks also to: Mom & Dad - you know what you did. Paul Lo for his enormous impact on me. Dr. Julie Harreld for her attentive watch over my excited, gruesome medical references and for her infectious enthusiasm for my book projects. Michelle Stroup for her uncanny ability to blaze through my books in hours and then amaze me with detailed, insightful feedback and my other friends who volunteered their sage advice on this manuscript - Mona Romero, Kim Dortch and Marc Goldfinger.

(Links open in a new tab to accommodate our separation anxiety)
"I never read a book before reviewing it - it prejudices a man so" —Sydney Smith
If you've written a review of Human Resources, you've got a free signed copy of Dire Means waiting for you. Seriously. And the review can be anything from positive and fuzzy to severely constructive. See how you win no matter what, but Geoffrey wins only if you're happy? He's like that. He's a "giver."
Look, it happens. What if you buy HR and can't finish it because it's too intense? Or maybe you decide that it stinks to high heaven? Either way you're out the cost of a latte at one of those fancy coffee shops you like, right? Relax. The sample and reviews were supposed to boost your confidence. If they didn't, then just go enjoy the latte. Geoffrey won't be mad. He won't even know—unless you bump into him at the market and your eyes get all shifty.

Wanton Regard, a novel

You gotta watch the one you love.

He's been a secret fan of Hailey Vaughan's for months. He's been following her, watching her, listening to her and recording her. Hailey is meant to be his, and it's time for her to realize that. She might resist him at first, but won't be able to fight the inevitable for long. He'll fix all her problems and destroy anyone and anything that comes between them. He knows they'll be perfect together, forever. He also knows Hailey can't possibly live without him. He's planned it that way. Like his daddy always said, "Fate don't negotiate." But sometimes fate needs a little help.

Private Comments

Welcome! This secret tab is only visible to those of refined taste—elite likers such as yourself. Not sure if this tab will last, but we'll try it. Suggestions and comments are welcome.

Frequently Asked Questions
Keep in mind that frequent might mean twice.
Why doesn't your Facebook author page have more Likes?
It's brand new. Can you give it a minute? Sheesh.
Who is the "Musey" you talk to on your timeline?
He's my muse. And, yes, he's a he. He sometimes appears as a full-sized man, sometimes no taller than a jar of peanut butter. [cue nut-job music—that's okay] He wears brown corduroy pants and mismatched dress shirts with the sleeves rolled up exposing hairy arms. He's arrogant and resents invitations, so if I call for him, he won't show up. But after a good writing session, I look up and there he is, grinning and nodding from some part of the room. I don't expect you to understand any of this...
How could you include such an awful opening-quote in HR?
The quote is jarring, disturbing, true and provable—unfortunately. But we still decide how to treat one another.
What do you fear most while writing?
That my story will be complete crap and I'll be the only one who can't see that.
Why do your books take so long to write?
The demands of a day-job, Angry Birds and MSNBC Lockup marathons.
Do you listen to music while writing?
I need dead silence or I can't compose a sentence. It's a limitation I can live with. I see people sitting in loud coffee shops, jamming on keyboards, earbuds buzzing. I can only shrug because I can't do it.
What is Priorities Intact Publishing?
A publishing company created as a subsidiary of Mollifiers, Inc. to publish my books so I can spend my scarce extra time actually writing instead of begging-for-an-agent, pleading for a publisher and living out of my car while my family suffers hunger and cold—all because daddy had a dream.
Do you outline your books?
No. I've tried many times, but outlining hasn't worked for me. I find that writing from an outline comes with all the freedom of driving a train. The moment my outline conflicts with a new character or event that I imagine, I abandon the outline. This typcially happens on or about page 2.
Which keys are most difficult for you to type without looking?
= and ^
Have you always shaved your head?
1989 (in search of self)
Why are the next questions grayed out?
To spare you from enduring Geoffrey's more personal stuff, the FAQ's below shall be inflicted only upon Likers of the Geoffrey's Facebook page. It's best this way. Trust me.
How did you come up with HR's protagonist, Lonnie Raiford?
What time of day do you prefer to write?
Have you ever done time?
Warning to the "Like-curious": Answer is fascinating, but elusive. Not worth liking page just for this.
Do you have boundaries on what you'll include in a book?
Do you use shampoo?
How is Dire Means doing?
What's with the noir fiction?
Do your friends and family like your books?
Dire Means contained a poignant social message. Does Human Resources?
How do you come up with story concepts?
Do you know your endings in advance?
What have been your steps to finish a book?
Does your wife help you write?
When is your next book (Wanton Disregard) being published?
Which character do you most identify with?
Do you give yourself a daily quota?
How do you protect your manuscripts?
Do you talk out loud to yourself while writing?
Have you ever been caught picking your nose?
Do you peck-type or all-finger type?
Do you prefer laptop or desktop computer to write?
How many books do you plan to write?
Do you have an agent?
How do you take your coffee?
How do you come up with character names?
How did you come up with the name Morana?
What's with the random words arrangement at the bottom of this web page?
Do you drink alcohol or partake in recreational pharmaceuticals to unleash your creativity?
Have you written characters based on people you know?
Are these people aware they they've become characters in your book(s)?
How do you handle writer's block?
Which side of the bed do you sleep on?
What aspect of your writing do you think needs the most help?
Do you do anything special to celebrate the completion of a book?
Who designed this Facebook app and your web site?
Which would be a worse torture for you: All-day shopping or eating a cucumber?